Tired. Period.

I apologize for my lack of posting as of late. As you can probably imagine, the hussle and bussle of my life over the past 8 months has slowly begun to fade. It is difficult for me to reflect on the current state of my life as it is unfolding. Many things are occuring, but in such a slow and subtle manner that they are often difficult to sort through. I am sure that in a year's time I will be able to write a book about the transition between having cancer/ cancer treatment and obtaining a normal life. But, for now, I hope you will understand why the well has been running slightly dry!

The past month has seen a great deal of ups and downs both physically and mentally. Physically, I feel great ... most of the time. I have noticed, however, that when I exert myself moreso than usual, I get tired much more easily. For instance, I was painting a room with Mike one afternoon and found that after just an hour of continuous work, I felt I had no other choice but to lay down. My body felt overwhelmed, as if a wave of exhaustion suddenly overcame it. This also happens to a lesser extent when I go to the gym everyday. I usually do about thirty minutes of cardiovasular activity (like running or biking), followed by about an hour of stretching and weight training. Sometimes I play squash following my workout if I have the time and energy. Usually I find myself tired and needing a rest as soon as I get home from the gym, where as in the past I used to feel energized following my workouts. I find that once I relax for 10-20 minutes and have a drink or a bite to eat, I am usually fine. I feel that now, more than ever, I am much more in tune with my body. If I feel tired, I take a short rest, rather than trying to beat my way through it. I feel that if I listen to my body the healing process will unravel much more smoothly.

In addition to feeling physically tired, my menstrual periods have also come to a sudden halt. During chemo, I continued to have my periods and was very happy about this, simply because it meant that the chemotherapy hadn't managed to shut my ovaries down. I hoped that this meant that the small risk of me not being able to have children in the future would be ceased. It was in mid-March, however, that I noticed I did not have my period. This was almost two months following chemo, and approximately six weeks after beginning Tamoxifen (my hormonal therapy treatment). When my period failed to arrive on time, one million things began to run through my mind. Predominantly, I thought about the warnings I was given by Dr. MacCormick about getting pregnant: Tamoxifen can make you more fertile. But, you need to take extra care not to get pregnant while on Tamoxifen because it is proven to be harmful to the unborn child. Luckly, I had an appointment with my family doctor in early April, so I was able to ask her about my sudden halt in periods. She reassured me that it was the Tamoxifen and that my periods could come and go randomly for the next year or so.
Although it is great not to have a period (we women all know the pain they cause!) it is also somewhat distressing to me to know that I am supposed to be having periods and I am not. This means that my body must be going through some dreadful hormonal changes. I just hope that this will not cause any additional harm to my body.