Picture Updates

I've always kept you updated on the hair issue, so that tradition I will continue. Here are some pictures taken between September and February:

This is Mike and I at the Run For The Cure, Fredericton, in September (2007)--approx. 7 months post-chemo. My hair began turning into a mass of curls at this point. I had not yet cut or died it--every strand was still too precious!

This is me during my visit to Cape Breton for Thanksgiving weekend (October, 2007)--approx. 8 months post-chemo. At this point, I had just got my hair highlighted for the first time. Everything turned out great!

Here are some pictures from the Christmas Holidays (December, 2007, and January, 2008)--10-11 months post-chemo and finally seeing some length! The one with the curls is the natural look--the rest are the result of a straightening iron!

"If You're Going Through Hell, Keep Going" ~Winston Churchill

Well, it's been a while since I have written last, and there are lots of updates to offer.

I recently had my one-year post-chemo follow-up appointment, and everything looked "perfect" according to my oncologist. And, I must say, I have been feeling great. With a run-down body and mind, it took a little while to recuperate. Right up until September I was feeling extremely tired and run-down. The thought of working full-time again was scary to say the least--I didn't know how I would do it. But, somehow, it happened. By October (6 months post-chemo) my energy levels had increased significantly and I was beginning to feel like myself for the first time in a while. I eased my way back into the workforce--I started by substitute teaching and acquiring a few piano students. I gradually added new projects to the load, and presently I have seven such projects on the go.

Right now, I am really focusing on developing my career and getting my finances back on track (which explains my lack of writing!). I am trying my best to focus on everything that was, unfortunately, put on hold for the past 1.5 years. I am currently the Project Manager for an Arts Education Resource which is being developed by the New Brunswick Visual Art Education Association--we are creating a set of DVDs featuring artists, musicians, and performers from New Brunswick, which will eventually be used in the schools. I am also assisting in the development of an "Art EduKit," which is another resource being developed by the Beaverbrook Art Gallery in Fredericton, for the NB Department of Education. In addition to all of this, I am holding tutorials for Music Education at the University of New Brunswick (Faculty of Education), teaching piano privately, and preparing for a concert upcoming on April 12th, which will be an evening of classical music featuring me on piano. And, the substituting continues ...

When I look back to how discouraged I was just 6 months ago, I feel proud about everything I've been able to accomplish and how far I've come in such a short period of time. At this point in my life, cancer seems like a bad dream. Sometimes I cannot believe that one year ago I was undergoing chemotherapy. Sometimes when I tell people that I had cancer last year, I feel as though I'm speaking about someone else--did I really go through all of that?! But, at the same time, cancer has become a piece of me, so I guess it is has been normalized for me.

"I have learned to use the word impossible with the greatest caution." ~Wernher von Braun

In terms of my present health, I have been feeling great for the most part. I continue to take 20 mg of Tamoxifen daily, which is the hormonal therapy drug I will be taking for 5 years. I have been fortunate enough not to have the most common side-effect, which is hot flashes, so I am thankful for that. However, I have been experiencing crazy periods--complete with cramps and irregularity. But, for me, the benefits outweigh the unfortunate sife-effects. What worries me the most about Tamoxifen is the possible long-term effect of uterine cancer. I received my first uterine ultrasound a few weeks ago and everything came back normal, so let's just hope that this continues to be the case!

On the psychological side of things, I feel much happier. I look back to last summer and realize that I was an emotional mess. I had so many things going on. Regaining control of my life proved to be a tremendous task, full of uncertainty, fear, guilt, stress, resentfulness, and self-pity. I think that at that point I had allowed cancer to claim my life and to take control over me. I feel grateful that I was able to pull myself out of that dark time and reclaim the life that is MINE.

I would be lying, however, if I said that this disease has no bearing on me. I worry frequently about my health-I still wonder whether this or that could be cancer or whether I will have a recurrence. I feel a great deal of guilt if I don't eat well or if I miss exercising a few days in a row. I am constantly wondering whether I am doing all that I can to prevent myself from getting cancer again. And, sometimes I feel overwhelmed and helpless in my attempts to do all that I can to be healthy.

I have come to learn that the cancer journey is not only a long one, but an endless one--it will be a part of me for as long as I live. This I cannot control. I can control, however, the way I choose to view it and the role I will allow it to play in my life.

"The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong." ~Thomas Carlyle