Darkness Falls

Having the needle over with, Mike and I headed to my room to cuddle up with some hot chocolate and a movie (a regular past time of ours these days!). We had only been watching the movie for about a half hour when suddenly my head began to feel tight. It felt as though a load of pressure filled the entire inside of my head-- even my nose seemed to fill up. This feels bizarre. Is something happening to me? Maybe I am overreacting. I decided to change positions and instead of sitting upright, I lay down. The bizarre feeling in my head remained. Instead of alarming Michael, I decided to go to the washroom and try to calm down.

When I went to the washroom I looked in the mirror and was completely shocked at the image that peered back at me. My eyeballs were buldging and were engulfed in what appeared to be a blanket of redness. The appearance reminded me of being under water with my nose plugged and eyes wide open--that eery look that eyes take on. I was completely startled and bolted downstairs, where I yelled for my father to come QUICK! My father came running to me and immediately noticed how strange my eyes looked. He says now that he tried to stay calm to keep me from panicking, but he said when he saw my eyes he was "scared to death." He said: "It looks like your pressure might be up ... we should go the hospital right away."

I looked at my eyes inthe mirror once again and realized that we were not overreacting-- something was seriously wrong. What could be happening to me? Am I taking another crazy reaction? Am I going to die? I literally ran to my room, ripped off my pajamas, and threw on the first thing I could find to wear. Mike had no idea what was going on, but realized it was something serious as he followed me quickly back downstairs and toward the door. Everyone was in a panic. The house was a complete frenzy. Everything seemed to be happening so quickly. I was overwhelmed. Suddenly I was overcome with an extreme sense of weakness. My stomach began to churn. I fell to the floor and began projectile vomiting. It seemed uncontrollable-- no gagging occured and no strain or effort was required-- the vomit, which seemed to be mainly all liquid, powered freely from my mouth. When I felt that I could finally stand up, I headed immediately out the back door and towards the car. Everything turned grey. The world began closing in on me. As I went to sit in the car, the greyness turned to black and I could no longer see a thing.

I could hear everyone frantically getting into the car. I said: "I can't see anything." I didn't scream or yell or cry. I just simply said: "I can't see anything. We need to get to the hospital as soon as possible." I can't describe to you the feeling of not being able to seeing while feeling so increbidly weak and helpless. I wondered if I was going to die. Am I taking a seizure? I felt so very overwhelmed and completely helpless that I allowed my body to fall back into my seat. An overwhelming calm overcame me. It was almost as if I had let go.

Next thing you know, I heard: "Melanie! Are you okay? I am Doctor MacMillan (I think this was her name)." At this point I felt completely drained and could still see absolutely nothing. I had passed out in the car. "I can't see you," I replied. I felt a number of arms holding me and pulling me out of the car. "Get a wheelchair!" They sat me in a wheelchair and began wheeling me into the hospital. My feet dragged on the ground. They asked if I could hold my feet up since there were no foot rests on the chair, but I simply did not have the energy. Mom said one nurse wheeled, while the other two nurses held my feet off the ground. It was a complete mess.

The next thing I remember was being held in an upright position on a stretcher while what felt to be 4 or 5 people ripped my clothes off frantically. What is happening to me? My thoughts moved in slow motion and I was still extremely calm. I remember thinking that I could have made it on one of those ER reality shows this time ...

After removing my clothes and placing me in a jonny shirt, they lay me back down and my vision slowly began to return. The room looked gray and I could only see shadows and shapes of objects. I could see the shapes of many bodies lingering around the bed, as they placed EKG stickers all over me and hooked me up to machines. A nurse began to talk to me and I remember that suddenly, as I forced myself to look at her, I began to be able to make out her face, which was now an eery white color, almost like the "saturated" color you can apply to pictures when you edit them on a computer. The longer I stared at her, the clearer her white face became. White. Dark Grey. Light Grey. Almost normal. Suddenly I could see everyone around me.

I felt extemely weak and my body trembled. I looked around at the many faces that peered down at me, the many machines I was hooked up to. Needles were being stuck into my arms. The doctor, who was quite young but, nonetheless, very professional, ask me a number of questions as she tried to piece together exactly what happened to me. As I began to come around, I was curious myself to know what this bizarre episode was all about. I told them all about how the night's events unfolded, and asked them what happened during the "blackout" period of the episode. Mom said that while in the car, my head dropped down and I started making gurgling sounds. Mike told her to clear my airways and she placed her fingers in my mouth. They thought I may have been taking a seizure. The doctor told me that I was white as a ghost when I arrived to the hospital-- she said I looked like "Powder" the hollywood character (haha). She also said my pupils were so large that the blue in my eyes was non-existent and almost my entire eyeballs were filled with black.

We all talked while we waited for my bloodwork to be returned from the lab and while the doctor checked my vitals and did some work to figure out what was going on. I told all the nurses my entire story about breast cancer and everything that had happened to me since September. They commented on how positive they thought I was and how rare it was to have someone in the resussitation room smiling and gabbing to everyone. It was the only way to kill time until we were able to find some answers ...