My last day in the world of "normal"

It is now the day before my first round of chemo, and I'm feeling fine. I am feeling somewhat nervous of the unknown (as anyone would be), but this experience has rendered me used to the unknown and all the feelings that come with it.

Other than some mild nervousness, I feel extremely strong. I never fully understood what people meant when they said "you will beat this," "you have to fight," and other such phrases. I wondered, how can you really fight something that you can't see and that you know little about? It just seemed like a very subjective concept that I was having trouble grasping. But nonetheless, I now understand just what this concept is all about to the fullest.

I told Mike last night that I am experiencing a sensation that almost exactly matches the phrase: "Take the bull by its horns." I honestly feel as though that is what I am doing. I feel that if I put enough energy and effort into fighting for my life and being well, that I will be a tough one to beat.

I realize 100% that I have no idea what I'm in for. I think that chemotherapy is one of those things that can barely be described with words ... you can't fully understand it until you experience it. But I also feel that I have prepared myself mentally for it as much as is possible, and I think that because of this, I will be much more able to deal with it when it comes. I look at it this way: I could choose to not think about it until the time comes and then let it take over my life when it hits because I had no idea what to expect and had no mental energy and strength to deal with it OR I could choose to be mentally and physically prepared for a huge battle up ahead so when it hits me, I am expecting it more and have already gained the strength I need to fight.
We'll have to see how the battle presents itself. I am fully prepared to be hit with a 'tonne of bricks' and to be 'on my ass' for quite some time, but I am not prepared to let it do this without a fight.

Tonight I will go and get my hair cut short to ease the transition from having long hair to having none. I am thinking of either an extremely short bob like Sienna Miller's or an even shorter 'boycut' like Halle Berry. Another decision to be made....
I'll take pictures of the new cut and post them soon.

Next time I write I will probably have already taken the hours dose of chemo. I'm in for one hell of a ride ...