A Return to Normal Life (minus a body part)

When I finally walked out of those hospital doors I felt free. The world was mine once again. The drive home felt exciting, as I thought about all the things I would do when I finally arrived home...

When I got home I immediately decided that I wanted to regain my old life and do the things I would normally do. If I allowed this wound to control my life, this would never happen. Nor would I be able to heal as speedily as possible, both mentally and physically. So, my first chore was to do what I would normally do when starting out my day-- shower and beautify (hehe). With some of the amazing soaps, bubble baths, and shampoos I recieved as gifts, I filled a warm bath and soaked. I was confined to bathing rather than showering over the next couple of weeks until I was able to remove my wound dressing and get it wet.

When I got out of the bath, however, I had a major task to complete, one which didn't normally present itself in my daily routine-- I had to change the dressing on the wounds. I was directed to do this at home every few days until I was able to take it off completely. This would be another huge challenge I would have to overcome. You see, when I was in the hospital, the nurses would change the dressing and I would cover my eyes and tell them I wasn't ready to look at it yet. I just wasn't prepared to face what had happened to me at that point-- I had enough to deal with. But now that I was home and trying to get on with my life for the time being, I would have to face the ugly truth-- my breast is gone.

I decided not to waste any time dwelling on the inevitable, so as soon as I was out and dried off, I began picking away at the sticky covering. Boy, this proved to be a difficult task. The dressing was glued on so much that it took five minutes for each inch I pulled up (and this dressing was quite large). So after about a half hour of tedious picking and pulling, I unveiled the new me. Hmmm. Interesting. Actually, this isn't so bad. I wasn't 100% sure what to expect earlier, so all sorts of images were running through my mind (probably like they're running through yours right now). Dr. Butler had done a fantastic job. Basically, my chest looks like a normal chest (the skin, muscles, and ribs are all there looking intact). There is one scar that stretches across the left side of my chest. If you're wondering how large, just imagine how wide across a breast normally is. Mine is probably a little less than 3 inches across (thank God for 32B boobs!). It is simply a horizontal line--there is no excess scarring, excess skin, or excess tissue, as I had previously imagined. Simply a neat little line. I looked in the mirror, examining the damage done and how it looked in relation to the rest of my body. I was quite surprised-- this really doesn't look all that bad. And then I also reminded myself that this scar was evidence of the battle I had gone through. This was here for a very good reason -- a life-saving reason. With this, I put on my favorite bra and got dressed in the clothes I normally would, put on my makeup, and got 'all dolled up.' I looked myself over in the mirror--it's me! I looked no different than I did before I went into the hospital. And, although many people try to say that the way you look means nothing, I believe that looking good can make you feel good too. For me, it gave me a sense of normalcy and a sense of renewed confidence.

Aside from this, I went about most of my daily activities (minus anything strenuous). I hung out with Mike and friends, played the piano, went for walks, took a trip around the Cabot Trail (this even included a small hike!) ... etc. etc. Most people were shocked at my recovery level and my mental state. But, I felt that this return to normal life helped a great deal. I now truely believe that your mind is a powerful tool and you need to use it to your advantage. I could have easily sat around the house and lay in bed for days feeling sorry for myself. But, I chose not to allow this disease take a hold of me and rule my life. I did everything I usually did (aside from the things my temporary disability haulted) and tried my best to move on.