Pain is weakness leaving the body ...

I arrived to my room to find a large group of family and friends awaiting me. It felt so good to finally be out of recovery and to see some of my favorite people. I had become a spectacle of sorts ... as I was wheeled in I saw a dozen or so sets of eyes glaring right at me. They all stood around the bed smiling, and took turns coming over to give me a hug and talk to me. Although I loved the company, I had no clue what anyone was saying (or at least I don't remember) ... Morphine shots had clouded my brain. I drifted in and out of consciousness as everyone conversed. People later told me that I looked quite amusing ... my eyes were swelled out like balloons from crying so much in recovery that I could barely open them!

The days ahead were a huge challenge. My whole left side was incredibly painful. For the first three days I was on a morphine drip and pain pump. This meant that I was given a constant, very small feed of morphine through my intravenus, but could also press a button that gave me a larger dose whenever I needed it. It allowed me up to four pumps (or large doses) an hour. This helped ease the pain, but kept me on cloud nine.

For those first three days, however, even with the pain pump, the things I could normally do became a battle. Sitting up in bed, going to the bathroom (which was only on the other side of the room), reaching for things, holding a conversation-- all of this became difficult to say the least. I could barely move my arm, my chest ached, and my body was weak. Surprisingly, of the two operations, the Sentinal Node Biopsy was the worst. It's funny because I spent all my time dwelling on the mastectomy and never even took the time to consider that the removal of lymph nodes would pose a problem. The Sentinal Node Biopsy required the surgeon to make an incision reaching from one side of my armpit to the other to access the required lymph nodes. My armpit was extremely tender. Because nerves were also damaged during this surgery, the whole surrounding area (my shoulder, back, ribs, and arm) were all very tender and sore.

In addition to the pain experienced from the biopsy, I also experienced the discomfort of having two drains hanging from my underarm and side. These were small tubes stitched inside a hole made from an incision, which served to drain any access blood or fluid from the traumatized area (in this case my underarm and chest). They drained into two small containers that I had to clip to my pajamas. These drains proved to be an extreme annoyance. This was, first of all, because I had to carry them around everywhere with me. Second, the containers had to be guarded with great care because if they were yanked or pulled by accident the drain could be ripped from the incision points where they were stitched in. And finally, they were hanging from the exact area that was already causing me a great deal of pain. So each time they were moved, pulled, or laid on, they caused a great deal of discomfort in that area.

Of the two surgeries, the Sentinal Node Biopsy also offered the more risks. The lymphatic system (lymphatic vessels and lymph nodes) is one of the chief drainage systems in the body, aside from the vascular system (blood stream). One of the key purposes of the lymph nodes is to filter infection, bacteria, virsuses, cancer, or other harmful substances from certain areas of the body. For instance, sometimes when you get a cold or infection in your ear/nose/throat, you will notice that the 'glands' in your neck swell out. This is caused from the spread of infection from the primary area to the lymph nodes, where it is trapped. The same goes from the lymph nodes under the arm. Any fluids or harmful substances in the arm will be filtered through the axillary lymph nodes (under the arm) and any fluids or harmful substances in the breast will be filtered through the internal mammary lymph nodes and axillary lymph nodes (in the breast and under the arm). Click this link for an illustration: http://www.breastcancer.org/tre_surg_whatlymph.html#lymphnode

Getting to my point ... Once some of the crucial lymph nodes are removed, a piece of the immune puzzle is missing. Now gone are some parts of the lymphatic system that were once used to fight off infection. Thus, because two lymph nodes were removed from under my left arm, I must now be extremely careful to avoid anything that may cause infection in that arm. The list is longer than you might think: no cuts or scrapes, no bloodword or needles, no blood pressure, no hangnails or picking cuticles, no burns, only shaving the underarm with electric razors ... and so on. So not only did this surgery cause a lot of pain-- it caused a lot of annoyance and risk that will be present forever.

But here's a news flash: mastectomies don't hurt much. Of the 3 surgeries I had in that 2-week period, this one hurt the least. I'm not sure, but it may have to do with the fact that instead of cutting into nerves and muscles and leaving them hanging (like they did with the lumpectomy), they completely remove all the nerves and muscles so that the sensation is nill.

As you can see, the first three days in the hospital (Fri.-Sun.) were quite the challenge. But with a lot of support, love, and company I was able to make it through the weekend and begin on the road to recovery ...

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey" --Kenji Miyazawa
"Pain is weakness leaving the body" --Tom Sobal