The Epitome of Awfulness

Friday night brought with it a lingering sensation of nausea, which could not be shaken. I took theOndansetron (aka "Zofran")--the same drug I took previously for nausea, which was to be taken twice a day for 4 days. It did the same thing it did for me before, which seemed to be nothing. Although I felt unwell, the nausea was bearable at best and no vomiting had occured. I could tell, however, that the weekend would not be fun.

I woke up Saturday and said goodbye to Michael, who was heading away to Halifax for the night to attend his uncle's 50th birthday party. Although I knew I would miss him, I also knew my company would probably not be overly enjoyable this weekend. I would likely be bed-ridden anyhow. And boy was I correct.

As soon as Michael left I felt incredibly unwell. I felt as though I had just stepped off of the craziest rollercoaster of a lifetime. Is my face green? My body felt hot, my head felt heavy, and my stomach felt like some sort of toxic soup. I headed straight for bed, where I lay helpless with my hand draped over my stomach. I tossed and turned, moaned and groaned, cried -- nothing helped. This was the epitome of awfulness.

My parents soon awoke and were startled by my distress. They offered me water, sandwiches, soup, hot cloths, and back rubs-- but nothing helped. I could barely chew food or get a sip of liquid down without gagging. I could just lay there think about how horrible I felt all day ... and night. I was sick during my last treatment, but I remember thinking to myself that it was much more intense this time around. I hoped and wished and prayed that it would not last any longer this time than it had the last. I think that may be one of the worst things about chemo-- the unknown. One never knows what will happen next, how long anything will last, or what will come or go. It is like walking through an unfamiliar tunnel of darkness alone.

By Saturday evening I was vomiting every hour. The worst thing was that I had no food in my stomach so it was more like gagging or dry heaving, which I find to be exhausting on the stomach muscles. It also does no cure for the feelings of nausea, which vomiting sometimes does. Sunday was almost an exact replica of Saturday. Awfulness. I could only hold on to the hope that things would eventually get better.