The Quarter Mark

Well folks ... I have now reached the quarter mark in my chemotherapy experience. It seems like just days ago that I was writing about my anticipation concerning what Dr. MacCormick's decision would be. Over three weeks have already gone by ... wow. I guess that if I have to say anything about this bout of chemo, I would say that it definitely wasn't so bad overall. Chemo is one of those things where you can't always listen to what you're told. Everyone reacts differently to medications and treatments. Everyone has a different make-up, different tolerances to things, different attitudes about things ... no two people are going to react exctly the same way. Chemo is also one of those things that has a hugely awful reputation--everyone everywhere knows of it as a horrific treatement and the very thought of it is enough to automatically make most people cringe. Truth is that chemo is definitely no picnic, but I can tell you that so far for me it has not been as horrific as I had expected it would. I was expecting to be bed-ridden for months on end, not being able to do ANYTHING I normally would have. But this was not the case.

This is not to say, however, that there were not some terrible experiences to be had. Looking back on this round of chemo, I would say that the worst things yet was the reaction I took to the anti-nausea medication. The experience itself was enough to scar me for life and I have already self-diagnosed myself with post-traumatic stress disorder! As I mentioned in a previous post, ever since that dreadful experience I have been plagued with anxiety about it. I had never really experienced anxiety in the past, but now I am beginning to thing I am being introduced to it. Every now and again, I will experience difficulty swallowing, a racing heart, anxiousness, and a sort of feeling of helplessness, as I imagine something happening to me again. I don't try to think about it, but it seems to pop into my mind out of nowhere and I'm left to deal with the effects. Lately I have been able to deal with it much better, but I must say that the experience will likely remain with me for good.

Other than the allergic reaction and its after-effects, the 2-3 days of nausea were pretty awful, but were shortlived-- I expected to be sick much longer than I was. I didn't experience the fatigue or sore mouth and dryness that most people report on.

The only other major thing that caused me any distress was having to cut out a number of my routine activities. As a 25 year old, partying is usually something I enjoyed on weekends, but can no longer enjoy as I would have. I went to a couple of gatherings since chemo, but was only able to have one drink (drinking is not recommended on chemo). I can also only attend parties or gatherings when my cell counts aren't low and when I'm not sick. This only leaves me with about one week out of every three where I can be around large groups of people. In addition, I have had to schedule all sorts of normal things around my cell counts, like shopping, going to the gym, and doing other social things (like going to concerts, out to eat, or to the movies). I didn't see this being a problem, but it gets annoying and frusturating after a while. Its awful seeing friends going out and having fun doing things normal people my age do when I have to sit in the house. I definitely feel left out at times. But then I remind myself that soon enough I will able to get my life back on track and begin enjoying myself once again.

These minor setbacks were all to be expected, however. I am 100% thankful of how great I was able to deal with the first round of chemo overall ... the first 25% of it has definitely not been too bad. I am now wondering what kind of experiences the second round will bring-- Will I be more nauseous? Will the fatigue begin? Will the sore mouth begin? Will there be anymore crazy reactions to medication? Only time will tell.