But I'm Healthy! (Aren't I?)

Friday soon came and so did the butterflies. Up until today all I cared about was getting the lump OUT. I didn't even consider the surgery, how I would feel, or what the aftermath would be. This, nonetheless, kept me strong and less nervous leading up to the surgery. However, as soon as I woke up Friday, the very idea of it began to frighten me.

See, up until I was diagnosed with cancer, I had never had a thing wrong with me (or never thought I did, anyhow). I always ate excellent food. As a matter of fact, I went out of my way to be sure I had a balanced diet for every meal, made sure I ate lots of fruits and dark green and orange vegetables, fibre, herbs, and fish. I researched healthy eating and kept up with the times ever since I began university almost 8 years ago. I exercised. I never owned a car throughout university, so walking was my main source of transportation. I also took up running and cycling during university and began doing rigorous activities like mountain climbing and hiking while living in Victoria, B.C. I have also always had excellent mental health--I lived a high-stress life, but learned to deal with stress very well over the years and have always been able to keep a positive attitude during the mos trying times. I believe that it was because of my healthy lifestyle that I enjoyed a life close to free of colds, flus, and other illnesses. I remember going for close to 2 years without having any sickness whatsoever. Aside from feeling healthy most of my life, I had also never had any accidents that caused illness. Never a sprain, broken bone, or other accident. Actually, I had stitches ONE time when I was about 4 years old and fell off a swing. I had never had an overnight stay in the hospital.

So I think you get my gist! I was not used to being sick and was definitely not used to being to doctors or being in the hospital. I remember talking to friends over the last few years and saying: "I think I am in for it one of these days." First of all, I figured it was my turn soon. And second, I knew that I would have a hard time dealing with illness when something finally did happen to me. So in a way I was expecting this, just not on such a large scale!

I made my way once again to the CBR hospital in Sydney, did all the necessary registrations, and was taken to the Day Surgery section of the hospital. My mom and I were directed behind a curtain, where I was to remove all clothes and jewelry and place them in a "Patient's Items" bag. Then I was to put on a white johnny shirt, green hospital housecoat, and blue paper slippers and hair cover. Once all that was done, I was to wait an hour and a half to be called to the operating room. They make you go in a couple hours early in case someone doesn't show up or they can somehow squeeze you in early.

I sat there and began to shake. I showed my mom my hands ... shaking like a leaf. She hugged me and comforted me. So many things were rushing through my mind--things mainly to do with the surgery, rather than the cancer (a weird change of pace for me, since cancer had been plaguing my mind for the past couple of weeks). The nervousness mainly stemmed from the unknown--from not knowing what to expect. Luckily, my anxiousness was cut short. After all, day surgery was calling for me and they were able to start my surgery more than an hour early--less time for me to think and obsess about it.

Off I went.